Had an eye test across the road from my work. There was a queue of people waiting at the reception, one by one they were helped until it was my turn. “I’m here about my eyes,” I said. They gave a knowing nod. I was directed to a small table where a young gentleman quizzed me about my details. I’m sure if someone wanted to become me, they’d have left my eyes, a dead weasel can see better than me.
Afterwards I was led to the second stage, I had succeeded in obtaining the right to pay for my eyes to be tested. As I sat patiently, I noticed a poster on the wall which claimed, “Are you blind or visually impared, over 60/ under 16 or 19 in full time education? You could be entitled to a free eye test!”
Now wait a minute. I get all the rest of it but blind people? That just raises a whole load of questions. For starters, the advert isn’t very ‘blind friendly’. Even if they had managed to ‘stumble’ across the poster somehow and understand its meaning, what would the eye test be like?
“Can you see this one?”
“no”
“Can you see this one?”
“no”
“Can you see this one?”
“no”
“Better or worse?”
“Much the same really”
“Better or worse?”
“A little bet… actually no, pretty much the same really”
Maybe they just visually threaten them and hurl abuse at them to determine whether or not they’re actually blind or stealing benefits.
I was called into a little room. I have to mention that my first name’s Alexander and my Uni messed up my date of birth and I still have to remember that for some things. It means that some of my medical details are under different names and I often get mixed up between my date of birth. There’s nothing more dodgy than someone who can’t remember his name and date of birth, trying to get some prescription meds.
Anyway, the door was closed and I was ushered into a chair by a young lady, about 30. She was very large in a specific private female chest area and was wearing an obscene piece of clothing that barely concealed her. I think I confused the lady when she turned on the slide and asked, “how much can you see?” to which I replied, “too much”.
Next came the painful beam of light while close range inspection in a microscope thingy is done. The instructions to look up, left, right and straight ahead were fine (I’m well practiced). The problem came when she asked me to look down and I tried to do anything but. For about 20 long seconds I was unavoidably forced to look at them, which in my view is sexual harassment. She said, “this may be slightly uncomfortable” and all I could say was “yes, but it’s ok, the 20 minutes are almost up.”
The one place where you’re actually forced to stare at a lady’s breasts and you have to be visually impaired to get in, how amusing. So I’ve had enough embarrassment for one week, thank you world. Roll on the weekend where nothing can go wrong if I don’t leave the house… can it?
paulbaxterblog 